Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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