Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Need sex. Gaining weight.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
i think i just lost a toe
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
