Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I think a kid would responsible me up
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
