She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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