I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
