I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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