You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Randomize
