1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
