Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
