I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
