Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
