I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
