He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Randomize
