i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
