shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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