dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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