you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
