I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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