So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
