Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
