when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
