all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
