I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
