Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
