I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
