Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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