your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
