I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
