In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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