I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You took a bar mat shot.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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