Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
