i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
