I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
