her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
