I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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