They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
foreskin is a definite game changer
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
