You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
