Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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