Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
