Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
