Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
