he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
