she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
