It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
