Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
