how can u be prego again
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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