We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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