you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
