I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
