haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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