i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
