White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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