i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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