Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
