is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
