I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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