What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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