Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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